Completely Confused

This past week has been nothing short of unimaginably difficult and completely confusing. I feel as though I've been battling myself for days. I remember when I lived at home, my mom would tell me in times like these that I just needed some B-12, but that never seemed to help back then and I doubt it will now.

It's the funniest thing... all these emotions and thoughts spinning in my head, yet I cant articulate any of them. I'm spinning endlessly in those tea cups I hate at Disney... dizzy... nauseous... trapped... panicking - When will this end?!

All of this trickled into last night's first home group meeting. As expected, it was uncomfortable and awkward... but with all of this discomfort on inside too, it was nearly explosive. I assume this will become a good thing one day and that I'll get to a better place and start to enjoy these meetings, but for now... I refuse to put myself into any situations which facilitate introspection for fear of completely falling apart.

One thing that has stuck with me since last night is the encouragement we received to begin a prayer journal, mostly for the purpose of tracking prayers to see how God has worked in your life and answered prayers. Honestly, I cant wait to start mine! I already bought a little notebook just for this purpose. I can see this giving my spinning tea cup mind a method to leak... helping me to get these thoughts and emotions out of my head, onto the paper, and into the hands of God.

Maybe this is something that could be of use to you too?